Isaiah 50:10, to trust and to rely

Isaiah 50:10 “Let him who walks in darkness and has no light trust in the name of the LORD and rely on his God.”

In attachment terminology, I am an avoidant person. That means that attachment and relational issues are going to be avoided. I have no mental model that regards bonding with others. Even though I get along well with people and enjoy being around people, I am going to seek independence over attachment. If I have a problem, I will seek to solve the problem on my own and the solution will not require anything from anybody other than myself. Any emotions that are associated with attachment will also be avoided or shoved into a mental hole and buried there.

Two terms are mentioned in this verse that are difficult for me to grasp: trust and rely. Both of these terms are attachment related ideas. As a matter of fact, these terms define attachment. To trust and to rely mean to bond to something. The Hebrew word for trust means “the sense of well-being and security which results from having something or someone in whom to place confidence”. Implied in this definition is the desire for well-being and security. And these come about because of something outside the person. There has to be something or somebody to have confidence in. So my question is how do I develop this “confidence”? Where does this confidence come from? These questions have been easily answered by attachment theory and human development research.

Attachment patterns are developed in a child within the first 12 months of his life. If the relational experience is one of attunement, marked by joy, pleasure, attentiveness and responsiveness then the child will have imprinted in his mind that people are a good source for well-being and security. He will be secure regarding relationships and be able to have close bonds with people. If the relational experience is one of dismissiveness and avoidance, then the child will have imprinted in his mind that life is to be done alone. He will avoid relationships and emotional experiences because they are not meaningful to him. If the child experiences an inconsistent attunement, then he will have imprinted in his mind that people are inconsistent and can only be partially available. He will become anxious regarding relationships.

A secure pattern of attachment will certainly be able to trust and to rely on others for well-being. But the avoidant and the anxious patterns will have much difficulty trusting or relying. And this inability to trust or rely will apply to God as well. If I have not learned how to trust in my relational history with primary care-givers then I will not be able to trust God. If the imprinted pattern in my mind is avoidant, then I will avoid any attempt at closeness whether it is with God or with anybody.

Here is a question that every infant will ask unconsciously: “Is an attachment figure available and likely to be responsive to my needs?” The needs are not just physical but include emotional needs as well. Depending on how the primary care-givers answer that question for the infant will determine the strategy that the infant will use to get through life. If the environment is responsive and available then the infant will have a place of confidence for depending and relying on others. If the environment is unavailable and unresponsive then the infant will develop strategies to make life work without confidence in another. And that applies to God. They will be insecure and unable to trust or to rely on somebody else to care for them or comfort them during times of distress.

I happen to be dismissive about relationships. I am avoidant in my attachment pattern. And that means that I live life being confident in only myself. No wonder I have a hard time trusting God for anything as evidence by the hard time I have praying. I solve all my problems or issues on my own and the solution will always require nothing from another person. Including God.